Music As A Tool
If you had to choose one song that you just love, that makes you feel great, what is it?
If it doesn’t come immediately to mind, take a minute to wait for it. (We are in the midst of the weirdest days in history, so things are a bit cluttered in our minds right now.)
Got it? OK, here we go!
Music is a Tool
Through history, people have been aware of music’s potent power. So much of religion and spirituality is based upon music and makes us feel things. Think about sitting in a restaurant with a friend (you know, a few months back when we were doing that) and one of your songs comes on. Could be your favourite song, a song that reminds you of an ex boyfriend, a song that was playing when something life changing happened.
You immediately go back to that time in your life and have a feeling, right?
It’s pretty incredible. Just like that whiff of something or other that brings you back to your Grandmother’s house, or your favourite childhood stuffed animal.
If you’ve been with me for a while, you have some tools in your toolbox that you can use for presentations, office meetings and difficult conversations.
Now I want to add to your collection and show you 2 ways that you can use music, especially at this point in history.
About Me
I recently posted a video on Instagram of myself playing a little bit of Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. A few people wrote to say that they didn’t know I play guitar and sing. It’s true! I’m a songwriter and performer and I’ve released CDs and have toured across Canada and into the US. If you’re curious to learn more, here’s my Bandcamp page.
All that to say - music is a huge part of my life, and I’ve been collecting various ways that it can be used outside of its usual purpose for years.
These Days
Touching on something I said above about these being weird days, I am finding that I’m not able to tap into my emotional responses as easily as before. Or else, emotions come so quickly and heavily, that it’s never “the right time” to feel them, so I have to cram them back in until later, and when later comes I either don’t feel like it, or can’t reconnect with whatever it was that was trying to get out. Does that sound familiar?
The problem is that it leaves a lot of weird emotional response swirling around inside, and it needs an outlet.
So I’ve been using sad songs to feel feelings. You know that Elton John song “Sad Songs”?
'Cause from the lips of some old singer
We can share the troubles we already know
Have you ever done that? I put aside some time (say 15 minutes), and play the ones that I know are extra strength. And then I let them do their work.
Why?
If the goal here is to speak, to be visible and to be confident (and certainly, that’s my “why” for doing the work with you that I do), we have to keep moving through our feelings in order to be emotionally healthy. To stay vulnerable, to feel things, to have emotional responses to things.
When you ignore or push down an emotion, it doesn’t just go away. It gets stuck. And if you do that too much, you lose your ability to use your intuition and to feel things.
And the more feelings that get stuck, buried, and shoved into your subconscious, the less we are connected to our real selves - the good, the bad and the ugly. And then, in that dark and murky subconscious, fear is allowed to grow.
And that fear stops us from being our unique, our real and honest, our truthful selves.
Which is part of the reason I created Digging Up Your Roots: Using Tarot for Shadow Work.
A Powerful Tool
Here are the 2 ways that I use music the most.
Feel Your Feelings. As I mentioned above, put 15 minutes into your schedule - as you would journaling, or emailing, or cutting the lawn. Protect that time and make sure you can be alone. (If you can’t be alone, copy Glennon Doyle’s method and go sit in a dark closet with headphones on.)
Grab some tissues, get comfortable, sit for a few minutes just taking deep breaths and allowing your thoughts to dissipate without giving them focus. And then, let ‘er rip. Put on those sad songs. Allow whatever is coming up to come up, and notice it - give it your attention without sinking into it. If you can, in the moment, give it a better context - give it understanding or compassion. Allow it. And then let it pass as something else comes up.
For example, this morning, I thought about: My Mom’s partner dying during the pandemic and how much it hurts that I can’t see her at Thanksgiving; about sad times when I didn’t know my true worth in relationships; missing my friends; how hard it’s been on my daughter; and a variety of new and old memories and feelings that just needed some attention today.
I didn’t judge them, I didn’t stop them. I let them happen. And then I let things come to a natural conclusion, and went on with my day. I felt relief, I felt a little lighter, and a little bit more open.Become Big. It’s not just sad feelings, music can bring on happy, joyful, energetic feelings, too. I love to put on “pump me up” songs to get my body moving, to remind me of fun, of dancing, of feeling good. We’ve all got those songs, too, and here’s the thing: they make you feel great. They are perfect to put on right before you have to do something where you want to feel confident.
Right before giving a presentation, bring your phone and some headphones into the bathroom and put on your “pump me up” song. Alternately, let it play in your head as you’re walking up to the podium when you have to make a speech. Got a job interview? Definitely listen to a song that really works for you before going in there. Allow the song to work its magic, and then get up and knock it out of the park!
Below I’m going to keep a running list of Songs To Help You Feel, and Songs To Build You Up. Please add to the list in the comments, and let me know if you start to use music as a tool in your own life!
Songs To Help You Feel
Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.
Dondante by My Morning Jacket
It Makes No Difference by The Band
Ashes to Ashes by Jill Barber
The End of the Rainbow by Richard and Linda Thompson
“Symphony of Sorrowful Songs”, Symphony No. 3 by Henryk Górecki
The Luckiest by Ben Folds
Real Death by Mount Eerie
Learning to Fly by Tom Petty
Hello in There by John Prine
He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones
Diamonds ad Rust by Joan Baez
Songs To Build You Up
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Survivor by Destiny’s Child
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it) by Beyoncé
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