Sometimes, reluctance to get up and speak is deep. Let's go there.
This one is going to cut close to the bone, here. We know that public speaking is difficult for many (almost everyone). We know that the difficulty usually lies in fear, and those fears sometimes resemble things like:
I’m afraid that I’ll look stupid.
I’m afraid that my voice will shake and I won’t be seen as confident.
I’m afraid that I’ll sound like a robot when I’m reading my speech.
I’m afraid that I will blush, and then I’ll freak out.
I could go on, but you get the point. Most of us relate to the above fears, and other setbacks and hangups we have as human beings. They’re pretty standard.
And, let me establish clearly, that I do not intend to lighten the weight of the above fears and take away from how crippling they can be for some people. They can literally stop you from applying for, or even accepting, your dream job.
But some public speaking fear goes deeper. Sometimes, we have some other, real stuff going on that prevents us from getting on the podium. And here it is: we don’t think we have value.
My heart breaks just typing that, and my eyes start to water. That’s because I have so much compassion for people struggling with this, but also because I have also struggled with it, and it is very hard. It touches at your core, and it’s tender and painful.
Here are some reasons I have turned down opportunities because my self worth was at a low point:
I’m too fat and everyone will look at me and wonder why that ugly person thinks she has a right to get up on the stage.
Everybody knows that I’m a fuck up, so they won’t even listen to me anyway.
Who the hell do I think I am to get up and talk about anything? What have I ever done?
Deep breath. Dearest readers, I know some of you have been there/are still there. Even writing that feels like a searing rod of sadness right into my heart. I never want anybody to feel that because EVERYBODY has value. But we all know that external factors can build up and make it feel impossible to love yourself.
Some of those things can be:
Abuse. Bullying, childhood neglect, shitty ex or current partners, bad friendships.
Depression. There are so many reasons why people experience depression, and I am not a Doctor, but my god, I encourage you to seek a professional if you suspect that you suffer from depression. Like, number one on the list. So many people are reluctant to seek professional help, and that is usually exactly when you should seek professional help. You do not have to feel like a sack of worthless garbage, people are trained to help you stop feeling that way. If you’re ready to take a step, here is a list of Canadian Mental Health Resources. <3
Addiction. Addiction is usually a symptom and not an actual cause, but it’s certainly an indicator that there’s something bigger than yourself that is causing you to devalue yourself. Here’s a great place to begin to look for help with addiction - Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse and Addiction.
So. You can see that sometimes, overcoming your fear of public speaking means having to deal with some difficult subjects. Childhood neglect. Addiction. Mental Illness. They seem so daunting, but professionals can help you.
And one day, after some professional help and after some personal work, you will begin to recognize your worth. You will see your value, and you will know what it is to love yourself.
Everybody has something of value to say. And in fact, we need to hear more from those who have been held back from speaking up. We need to hear from all of the voices, not just the loud and confident ones. We need to hear from YOU.
Tell me below in the comments about situations you’ve experienced where you’ve turned down opportunities because you didn’t think you were good enough. It’s so helpful for people to know they aren’t alone!
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Would you like to work with me? Let’s do it! Check out Work With Me page here and let me know what you need!
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Get my FREE public speaking guide called HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT: The 4 Elements to Move Past Fear and Speak Up in Any Situation. Head over here.
