Covid Conversations (UGH)

I’ll preface this post by letting you know that I’m pro-vaccination, and have been double vaccinated (AstraZeneca + Moderna). My husband and I have been above average cautious, are pro-mask and continue to remind our child to keep socially distanced when outdoors. If you have a different view of the world, this blog post is likely not for you, and I maintain 100% ownership over the comments section.

Yesterday I talked on Instagram a bit about several conversations I’ve had recently about how to navigate our differing ideas/comfort levels about Covid and vaccinations.

• What do we do if we’re double vaccinated but our children can’t be?

• What if certain family members can’t or refuse to get vaccinated, but also expect to participate in indoor family events? (The October-December holidays will be here before we know it.)

• What if roundtable discussions about conspiracy theories and “loss of freedoms” happen during a gathering?

The list goes on. These conversations can be incredibly uncomfortable, can become heated very quickly and can create a lot of drama and tension. And let’s face it - none of us are going to get out of this without at least one uncomfortable conversation. So what do we do?

1. Get Clear On Where You Stand

   Will you only go inside with others who are also double vaccinated? If others are not, will you ask people to mask? Are you willing to debate vaccine theory/science? Are your choices open to discussion? If you have younger children, how do you want to handle that?
   
   If you have a partner, the first thing to do is make sure you get on the same page. My husband and I have had to have a lot of conversations around safety and comfort levels around Covid and we’ve each had to compromise because we operate as a team. As messy as this can be (and trust me, it sucks when you each have a different opinion), it’s essential to figure it out with each other before trying to figure it out with others.

2. Speak Plainly

   Trying to put a positive spin, or sugar coat an opinion only creates a passive aggressive environment, which doesn’t foster learning or mutual understanding. This is why we need to make sure #1 above is covered. Anything that goes outside of where you’re at, you’re not obligated to participate.
   
   So if Aunt Alice is hosting a holiday dinner, and Uncle George and Aunt Flo have opted not to get vaccinated because they believe the government is trying to control us, then your options are: wear a mask; ask your Aunt and Uncle to wear a mask; don’t go.
   
   And be clear about it. “Thanks so much for the offer, Alice. We’re not comfortable being inside with others who have opted out of vaccinations, so we’ll be wearing masks.”
   
   Practise! Have canned answers ready to roll for when you get asked awkward questions. Try to keep it light, but keep it emotion and judgement free. (Want some suggestions for answers that you can use? Grab Covid Conversations Cheat Sheet here - and remember, my perspective is from an agreement with public health measures that people who can, should get vaccinated.)
   
   And if speaking up about stuff is a struggle for you, remember to start with the basics of my speaking training: create strong physicality; practise controlled breathing; use your most resonant voice; speak your rehearsed answers. If those steps are unfamiliar to you, make sure you grab my free speaking guide here.
   

3. Create And Stick To Your Boundaries

   If you haven’t read my earlier blog post about Boundary Making, go check it out here.
   
   When you arrive at Aunt Alice’s dinner, if George and Flo give pushback about you wearing masks, letting you know you’re making them feel uncomfortable, you let them know that you’re compromising so that you can all be together, and suggest they leave it at that. (Or better yet, try to get that conversation out of the way ahead of time with a quick phonecall.)
   
   Worst case scenario, they don’t let up, and you leave. You’re not required to stay anywhere where you’re going to face harassment or bullying. (Same goes for those who choose not to vaccinate - if you don’t agree with them, that’s fine, but harassment and bullying are never appropriate, and they’re certainly not a great tactic to change somebody’s mind.)
   
   You’re also not responsible for their feelings. If they feel like you wearing a mask suggests they are infectious, then they can feel that way and you are not required to feel unsafe to make them feel better. Read that again: you are not required to feel unsafe to make them feel better. (And that goes for any scenario where your safety is at risk.)
   
   Does it suck? Yes. But knowing how you’re going to navigate this stuff ahead of time makes it so much easier to make decisions in the moment.

4. Know As Much As Possible Ahead Of Time

   This part is tricky. A lot of people, especially those who are opting out of vaccinating, are not public about it. They are aware that their views differ and that they could get pushback.
   
   Everyone has to navigate this stuff at their own comfort levels, but for me, I want to know if I’m going to an indoor event where there will be unvaccinated people. I don’t need to know why, I just want to know.
   
   And again, without judgment, I make my choices. Because honestly, people could be opting out of vaccinations for more reasons than we might know about. There are the obvious ones like allergies, previous adverse reactions to vaccines, within certain categories where it’s not recommended, etc.
   
   And then there might be things like, say somebody has been trying to get pregnant several times and has been suffering miscarriages. Rationally, yes, we can read the science and make an opinion, but not all decisions are based on pure rationality (nor should they be, quite frankly), and if you opt out because you’re emotionally spent and don’t want to worry about another thing, I’m not judging you. I know people will disagree with me on this, but that’s fine - that’s what this post is about!

   But am I going to sit beside you unmasked or let my unvaccinated kid hug you? No. And as much as I feel sympathy for what you’re going through, again, I’m not putting my family’s safety at risk.

It’s Not Always Going To Be Easy

This is what we have to remember. These conversations are uncomfortable. This maneuvering around difficulty can be stressful - even if you stick to your plan! You might have to have another holiday dinner without family. You might have to turn down an amazing opportunity because of somebody else’s choice. You might upset people.

But ultimately, if you opt against your values and principles, you’re letting yourself down. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve learned that this erodes your sense of self and makes you feel like you’re at the mercy of others.

You cannot control other peoples’ choices. You’re also not responsible for educating them, and frankly, if we’re dealing with pseudo science or emotional decisions, it won’t matter what you say anyhow.

The only things you can do are: protect your energy; don’t put yourself in situations where you don’t feel safe or comfortable; accept when things don’t work out the way you hoped and stick to your values anyway; be true to yourself.

Again - there’s going to be discomfort. It’s inevitable - we won’t all agree all of the time. But if you stay true to your values, you’ll deal with so much less pain in the long run.

What are your thoughts about handling the upcoming conversations? I’m open to healthy discussion in the comments below!

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