Pep and Power

I shared a little about this on Instagram a few weeks ago (I've put it in a temporary Story highlight so that you can read it), but I wanted to talk a bit more about it with you. This was originally an email to my email list, that I always intended to make into a blog post.

Your power is infinite. It is not given to you, and it cannot be taken away.

And we forget that.

Now, if you've been around here you'll know that I need to make a caveat here and be more specific because I'm a white lady and I don't want to fling around inflammatory statements about power when I've grown up with a bunch of it.

Historically oppressed folks: Black people, Indigenous people and all people of colour, people within the 2SLGBTQ+ community, the Neurodiverse, Disabled people, people living with addiction, people who are unhoused, people who have grown up in poverty and any other people who differ from the main lens with which the world has been using (for far too long) have been abused, marginalized and in many cases, rights and freedoms, and indeed sovereignty, has been taken, violently. And in some cases this continues. And the legacy of this horrific violence lives on. And their ability to have power that comes from wealth, trust, a feeling of belonging, not feeling a continued fear of violence, was not or is not there.

But I want to be clear that here, I am speaking specifically to the inner power that you cultivate within yourself that transcends anybody else's ability to mess with you.

I was first introduced to this idea when my friend Mark gave me the book "The Art of Living" by Epictetus (who was born into slavery and fathered the Stoic philosophy, which I have some problems with, but I like this part). Survivors of the Holocaust often speak of this, too. You can choose not to let anybody take away your joy.

And this would be a lot harder for some people to cultivate than others, but it is available to whoever wants to foster it within themselves.

And I forget all the time. My anxiety gets the better of me, and I find myself thinking things like:

"I hope this person takes this news well so that her emotional reaction doesn't affect my morning."

or "I hope Person X doesn't give me pushback on this and make me upset."

or "I hope Person Y wants to do what I want to do so that we don't have conflict - I need to have a chill day to get things done."

or "I hope I get this job so that I get out of this funk I'm in."

To be clear - I'm giving those people allllllll of my power by allowing their decisions to control how I go about my day. I'm left to the mercy of their reactions/decisions to determine if today will be good, or not good.

However, I can also make the choice that my inner peace will not be affected by their decisions. Or, as my friend Alicia says, "I'm not gonna let them harsh my mellow."

We've all been in relationships (personal or work) where the power dynamics weren't equal. And we all know that some decisions that other people can make, do in fact have the power to alter the trajectory of our lives.

But our inner power is different. It's the belief in ourselves that we deserve good things. It's confidence. It's our ability to experience joy. It's also our inner knowing that we will be ok no matter what. That somebody's opinion of us does not alter our opinion of ourselves. And: this inner power has to be cultivated and fostered.

That sounds cool. But how?

So what can this look like? How do we begin to reframe how we see ourselves in the world, at the mercy of whatever or whoever is in our lives?

Start with this. Instead of saying "If they say no to this, I'm going to freak out!" you can say "If they say no to this, I'll let myself feel whatever emotions come up, and then I'll make the next right decision to move forward." This stops your thinking from seeing your life come to a complete stop over somebody else's decision, and thinking long term and knowing how you'll move through it.

Instead of worrying that you'll experience possible condescension and humiliation when presenting to a group of people who have seniority at work, decide that nothing is as important as your inner power and if people don't treat you properly, you leave.

We forget that we can walk out. We can quit. We can say "this isn't right and I'm out".

And often, that alleviates the pressure of feeing powerless, and allows you to actually access the inner power you're working to cultivate.

You can probably see where this kind of work is incredibly helpful toward your speaking, visibility and confidence work. Our fears are often linked to giving other people more power over us than they should have. And the great news is that we can change these patterns and behaviours, and when we do... wow. It's life changing.

And so now, your job is to notice when your anxiety is triggered. When you're worried about something coming up. When you find yourself saying "I hope they do X so that I can do Y", try to figure out what power you're giving them, and how you can reframe your thinking so that you give the power back to yourself. Where it belongs.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below! Where in your life have you reclaimed your power?

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